Night vs. Morning

How many nights and mornings have we passed in our lives..

Probably countless.. right..?

Why the mood night and morning are giving.. is different..

Is this mean that morning is the start and night is the end..?

Can't they be reversed..?

Night gives the tranquility and.. morning seems.. it should be.. something like vibrant.. and encouraging..

Night seems like it has to give people some "thoughts"..

and morning seems like.. some "actions"

Why... did God make people.. to sleep... in other word.. to pause... between night and morning..

and then re-start..

again and again..

I mean.. what's the point of pausing..

restore? refresh?

just random thoughts..

The Opposite of Love

The Opposite of Love.

Look how sassy title this is.

Once I opened the book, I had to fall in love with this author, Julie Buxbaum.

I really love the witty voice that she puts on her book.

Esp. on pg. 76 (I even remember the page number.. lol)

I had to laugh.. 'outwardly'.

But I cannot mention about what I laughed at.. because it was 19+ topic. haha lol

I left off at third of the book, but I think she mixed things up well so far..

and I'm looking forward to read rest of it tomorrow before I go to my work.. hopefully..

This is her debut novel.. but she seems like she totally knows when to make her readers giggle.. and when to bring them a sad mood.

As a former lawyer working at the firm, Buxbaum wrote her working experience realistically.

Actually you know what..

Her novel reminds me of.. the movie 'Legally Blond'.

Like Elle Woods, Emily in this book broke up with Andrew, her boyfriend.. when he proposed her. But in this case, Emily dumps him.

Then, Emily showed up in Halloween party and she sort of started to want Andrew back when she saw him.

And these two characters are working at the law firm.

Quite similar.. huh?

Anyways..

The other thing I liked about this book was that.. the men characters are mischievous and funny.

Her boss Carl, who is married and flirted with Emily for just temporarily.. is playful..

And Emily's endearing grandpa Jack.. and eighty years old grandma Ruth..

They were like my grandma.

I loved their conversations.

I thought the characters and episodes are depicted well in a humorous way, as the author may have intended.

This book.. is definitely not a dried one. for sure.

+)What happened at the bookstore..

I made a friend!

He works at Starbucks in Barnes n Nobles.

We've got to just talk when I bought something there..

And discovered that we went to same high school.. (I know.. it's like.. same HS grads everywhere.. lol)

By the way, I don't even remember since when, but I've just started to love talking to random people.

It's like.. everyone has a "story".

And I've got to just explore their interesting stories.. without having any formal interviews.. you know..

Anyways.. He wears black edge glasses and pale almost a ghost-like skin.. his disarranged hair oppressed by his Starbucks employee cap.

I felt an instant pure friendship moment with him.

As we talked.. and I think we just laughed off at some.. meaningless subject..

He smiled at me with his light pinky gum.

I smiled him back with showing off my thicker and darker gum.

Eww I know haha. lol

By the time, I almost decided to pack my things up and leave..

He handed me his name card.

He mumbled.

So I only got to hear two words.

Facebook and hang out. haha

There ya go. lol But I got what he meant.

He wants to be my friend. And so did I.

What's better than a medicine?

Sometimes..

The cricket sound in the dark night..

The heart-tightening kind of a sad lyric and melody drifting out of radio..

One good quote from the written pieces..

These things understand me better than any other things.

These can give me a better tranquility than any others.

Of course.. none of above can beat my love for writing.

This has been the ultimate medicine for me.

My pure joy..

People I had known

While working at macy's (I know, I'm like ALWAYS talking about this place, since I'm there most of my time these days. lol) I was happen to bump into several people who I had known in high school years, including classmates, sub teacher and piano teacher.

It's been several years since I graduated there..
But weird thing is that.. no matter how much time it has passed..
They remained pretty much same way as they were back in those days.
Their feature.. The way they wear the cloths.. The way they talk.. The way they look at you..etc..

I mean.. Is it.. too... obvious thing..? haha

The more interesting thing was that..
These people were bringing me the TIME when I was with them.
And they were generating the exact vivid SCENE that I was placed in.. with them.

Approx. twenty five chairs, whiteboard, lined up (not-modern-type) computers stick to the yellow wall and the teacher's computer and low rectangle table on left and right side in front, etc.
They were also bringing me the memories of other people, too. Not just them.

Almost as if I went back to the time when I was 17.
A person who had alot of pimples on her cheek.. and so shy.. and not really willing to put her head up high. (Still, I was dreaming at that time.. for sure.)
A person who knew nothing about American high school system.
A student who enjoyed learning Spanish while struggled learning English in ESL class.
A student who needed to study SATs right away while knowing only few words of English.


They were bringing me the old me. old memories..

Then at the end of our dialogue, my old sub-teacher told me that
"You're a hard-working person. I'm sure you'll do okay.."

I don't think she just said it accidently.
I mean.. At that moment, I really took that as a complement.

Am I proud of myself?
Ugh.. It's not about that..
But more like.. I think I least have deserved to hear that kind of a statement from someone..

Because looking back of my past few years..
I think I really TRIED..

What have I tried..?
Um.. I've constantly tried to reinvent myself.
Whether through writing or recording to my diary and journal..
Whether through trying to seek God.. I guess it was my own selfish thing.. hoping that would keep me from falling...

Esp. my journals..
They were my inner voices..
My inner voice was always encouraging me to do well.. to be more patient and more persevere..

When time is passed, that moment never comes back...

So how to enhance the time.. that moment.. that feelings..that are already gone and disappeared..?
For me.. it's the writing.. as you already might know..

If you do that..
I'm sure... that you'll get to experience.. the feeling of silliness.. (hehe)
How you were being so silly.. at that moment..
How you've got to grow.. through those times..
How you've become changed compare to old days..

How you can become unimaginatively missing those times that you wanted to escape so badly right at that time..

Young..Fresh..
These will never last..
Sad to say this.. but these will 'eventually'.. leave us..

So what's left?
What's gonna be left is.. all of the crafts.
When these are gathered..
It'll become a journey..

One human-being's beautiful.. journey...

Every individual has this journey..

Do not underestimate

I often used to underestimate myself.
Coward.. Weak..(whether it's physical or psychological) Soft.. Unconfident.. etc..

I even noticed it in my working pattern.
I used to be a dependable worker.
When customers ask me something, my immediate reaction would be doubting myself.
And I easily just presume that I wouldn't be able to help those customers out.
Then I hand those customers over to my co-workers, see if they can help.

But I realized that they know no better than me.
And the customers who are coming to me are seeking for my help, not theirs.


Human-beings have immensive capabilities and potentials to handle any tasks that are given to them.
Any is a big inclusive word.. but I would say 'any' confidently..
Or should I say this way..
Once the responsibility is given, any human-beings can handle the task, no matter how diffcult that would be..
And I realized that I'm one of them.

Once I decided to take care of the customer who asked me something, I tried to press down all of my nerves and unknown fear. Then, tried to resolve things for them.
I thought same thing applies to other things in life.
No one can do it for you, except you as yourself. No one can live for you.

We just don't want to make up our minds. This is too annoying.. we'd easily think.. or was it just me..

People have their own unique gift.. in other words.. skills and talents.
What I'm thinking now is that.. My own fear of trusting myself.. often had brought me the fact that refusing to be determined and challenging myself to be improved and developed.

+) Favorite quote of Caroline from Real house wives of New Jersey
Caroline was in tears when Albie confessed with his learning disability.
"Don't you let anybody tell you you can't do anything."

Am I a likeable person

No, I don't think I'm a likeable person.
It was like this since I was young.
You know... as you live.. you get to see these.. likeable people..
There are some people that people 'like' without any particular reasons.
I mean.. I really mean it..

Regardless of what these likeable people have done to others, regardless of their personalities, of how they look, regardless of whether they're being nice..
It doesn't matter..
I'm a person who really believes in this.
It's not about who's being cool, who looks good..

It is more like... Hmm... how they are FORTUNATE with relationship kind of things.

The common thing about these likeable people is that.. people have good feelings towards them.

You know..
Until just few days ago, as you can see..
I wrote I really like being back at macy's.
But NOW I'm like exhausted.. just right now.. (people can't have fun in life all the time. plus, work is work.)
I know, how severely capricious I am, haha.
This week, I devoted my 150% to macy's.
I was working like almost every day this week.

You know what?
Even among macy's employees(of course.. not all of them.. just.. from my own perspective that I experienced for only few days..) , there is this invisible competition going on.. unbelievably...
When we sign in the registrar, the goal of that day appears.
The goal is different every day, depends on one day sales, working hours, etc.

Maximum is always 100% and every employee has to make 'sales' towards that goal.
And this actually brings the invisible competition that I mentioned above.
People(I mean.. not all, of course!) are trying to ring up the registrar and wouldn't let you ring it up.
It's almost like.. either they would stand in front of the registrar pretty much all the time or
they try to snatch the customers by any chances.

And even surprising thing is that, as people's ages are old, they tend to do that more often than who are younger than them.
They wouldn't clean up or put things back.. but instead, preserve the registerar as if it's their own properties or something.
I really don't know...

Just so tired.. exhausted.. Gotta sleep... Really.....

All the stories

I love being getting back at Macy's.
So far..
Macy's is like a perfect place for me to practice evasdropping.

My co-worker Wendy, who was one year behind of me when I was in high school (we didn't know each other in high school) is so funny, interesting character.
What I really like about her is that she's so talkative.. and she talks in delicious way.
I don't really know what this delicious way is referring to, but I cannot think of any other words to describe her talking pattern than this.
Plus, I'll just bravely say that she has talent in her 'talk'.

She told me that she had a date (sort of a blind date) yesterday.. I mean.. the day before yesterday..
since I was working yesterday.
She said they went bowling, ate pizza.
She continued that he's sooooooo cute, I didn't even ask her haha.
So I asked her in what way, in what terms, he is cute.
She said,
W-What do you mean by he's cute?
J-I mean.. what is definition of your thought he being cute.
W-Um.. I don't.. really know..
J-like.. skin.. face.. (I helped her out.)
W-Um.. He's a big guy. Tall.. 6'2''. Do you know Ozzy Osbourne?
J-No.
W-He looks like him.
J-.. Is he related to Sharon Osbourne, who is on America's got talent?
W-Yeah. Her son.
J-Don't know. Gotta check him out on google when I got home. (And I just did! ..... oh gosh was my first word. Not gonna expand this sentence)
W-And he's a carpenter, so he has.. this.. build and muscle.
J-What's carpenter? (I know. I'm not even an aspiring writer.)
W-You know.. construction worker..
J-Ah..
W-And he likes to write.. So cute.. He likes to write science fiction.. He's more into English, though.. He's like a nerd. Oh, I love nerdy guys. Meet nerdy guys! because they are the most.. trustful and nice ones.

I was like.. so absorb into her story.
W-He ate out four huge slices of pizza. Well.. he needs to.. to stay in that build, you know. We had so much fun last night. We talked like six hours.
J-What???
W-What?
J-That's.. heck of long hours.
W-I know..
J-Wow.. You guys must be really liked each other.
W-Yea.. we did.. and he hugged me before I got in my house.
J-What? That's too.. early! Fast progress!
W-Blah. That's fast? My mom asked me when I got home, "did he give you a good night kiss?" Come on, Judy. Nothing that I made out with him or anything.
J-Ahaha.

Isn't she funny..?
Well.. I think she is.. lol

Then I went for my one-hour lunch break.
Yesterday's weather.. was pretty crazy.
Just pouring the dark rain.. and then a sunshine.. on and off..

Luckily, when my break came, it was that 'off' time.
So I just went outside.. since my car was in just outside parkinglot.. I live close by.. plus, I don't want to stuck at the mall for that long, even if I'd go to food court.
I needed a break.

Wondering where I should go for my lunch, (def. not a home, even though I lived like.. five mins away from the mall..) my tongue was singing
buffalo chicken wrap~~~~~~♬
to me.
So I followed my instinct, based on my life philosophy that it would be most beneficial to me when I follow my instinct.
Gone.
Wraps are gone.

Realized that there's not much time and option left for me, I headed to burgerking.
I ordered wapper junior, fries, coke, apple pie and onion rings.
I was so starving while working there.
So I ate em all.

In an hour, I was able to manage going wawa, burgerking and home.

I got back to my work and told Wendy about all that happended to me in an hour, as if making a report to my boss.

Suddenly, she looked over me and said with an empowered voice,
"Gosh, you ate them all?! You so skinny! You skinny duck!"
I probably heard this word more than ten times from her yesterday.

She goes on..
"Your metabolism must be like.." then she was shaking her head and hands real fast.
Haha. I thought this was soooo funny.
I laughed so hard.

Speaking about this body issue, she kept envying about me being skinny..
So, pointing at myself, I talked back her.
"Girls might(?) prefer this kind of body, but guys might not like this body. I mean.. I don't mind other people being skinny.. but I wish I have a curvy body."

Wendy then jumped onto this Ozzy Osbourne-resembled blind date guy.
"He told me that he likes a curvy girl with small breast! So I was like.. perfect! That's me!"

haha

There are actually alot! of good stuff! that she and I talked about. other than these things.
But I guess I should stop writing here and wait til next time.

Forrest Gump

I watched this movie last night.
Like Titanic, I probably watched this movie.. I dunno.. more than ten times..?
But as always, it moved my heart and taught me great values that I had forgotton for long time.

The movie showed me..
How much a simple-minded man could lead the most dynamic life..
And I got to perceive alot of things from so many different perspectives by witnessing life of Forrest Gump.
"Life's a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
This was just perfectly representing the theme of the movie.

Jenny always had dreamed of herself becoming a rock singer.
But what life had throw at her instead was alot of guys trying to chase and to grab her.

Lieutenant Dan thought that he was destined to die at the field honorably.
But what life had throw at him instead were crippled legs.

However.. Forrest Gump..
He showed that people can get a college degree while being not intelligent.
He hadn't expect that much.
But he accidently became a national hero, national celebrity..

Life can be flowing in so much dffierent directions from what we intended in our minds.

Anyways..
Regardless of how dumb Forrest Gump was, he stayed one most truthful man to a woman that he loved for his entire life and who was abused by other men.

Jenny, at the end, had Forrest Gump's baby.. but she was infected with virus and died.

Remained with his own son, Forrest started to raise young Forrest by himself.
And this.. life cycle begins.. again.. like what his mom did to him when he was a child.

The movie got all.. parenthood, friendship, love story and life..
It's just.. beautiful...

And like what his mama said..
Even though we have no idea what life's gonna throw at us..
"You have to do your best what God has given you."

Run!

When I heard this word 'run', I got to think two of my personal episodes.
Weird, right?

Back in those olddie high school years, I lived in condo where I didn't have any of attachments at all.
The grandma, a.k.a my neighbor who lived right next to my door, had partially contributed above sentence.
She raised three white, wolves-looking dogs.
Their sizes were pretty much big and height came up to my thigh or something.
I ALWAYS got scared by those dogs.
To me, I had to risk my own life when I went outside. Espeically when I'm by myself.
Now you get to imagine how I privately perceived those dogs.

One of the cool things that neighbor grandma likes to act.. was.. missing her leash that was supposed to hang tight on those dogs' neck.
So when that happended.. what those dogs like to do was rushing to my family so agressively, like about to eating us up.
Luckily, that didn't happen.

One day, my grandma went to throw the trash outside and fell down, because those dogs were suddenly appearing from the dumping ground and frightening her.

What I wasn't good at.. back in those days.. is opening my home door with the keys.
Ugh.. I know.. How should I even attempt to explain this..
I just couldn't. When I tried to open it with my keys, it just stucked there and I was failing at such easiest task in the whole world. Stupid me.
Anyway, when I came back home from school and no one's there.. I had to do this easiest task.
I was tussling with keys a while and the dogs were coming out next door as if they are sooo ready to take a walk with their master, neighbor grandma.
I wanted to say this in a word, whether there was a person to save me or not.
"Help!"
haha.. lol
I sticked to my home door, hoping the dogs wouldn't notice my presence.
But I was expecting for an impossible thing.
They have eyes too, like me.

They already prevised my presence and turn their heads to look over me.
Uh oh..
That's right!
They started barking so agressively and about to untie the leash on their neck by their physical powers they already nourished themselves and.. an extreme flourish.. to rush towards me.
I had no option at that moment except just praying to myself that they would not come to me.
Somehow, that worked out for me and I was lucky to save my life, haha. lol


One day! I hang out by myself outside home.. (literally.. just outside home..) nice and slow..
Suddenly..
I know you already got tired of this word 'suddenly', haha.
But to me, those dogs' appearances were always "sudden" and scary. haha.

Those dogs would always come out with their own refined and elegant postures.
I know how they work. haha

I was standing wayyy over from where they were.
So I really 'tried' not to care about them.
I was walking over the cement ground.

Uh oh.. their walking course seemed like coming towards me.. instead of the other direction that they used to like taking.
Totally unexpected!
I tried to give a 'sign' to neighbor grandma, not to come to me.
She seemed like received my sign.
But why walking towards me.. closer and closer..
Yea.. She was always like that.

Uh oh..
I was happended to make an eye-contact with those dogs.
They became so happy to discover me, as if I was their prey.

"Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My inner voice was telling me forcibly.

That's right.
Became unleashed, the dogs were running towards me.

By the way,
I really didn't know I was "that" swift person. haha lol
I stumped up the closest stairs I was able to sight fastly at that very moment.
Literally.. I was like a stunt woman or something.
Picturing that secene.. is almost like looking a powerful action movie.

Now I was at the second floor of another condo building.

The dogs ran after me.. and already stood by at the first floor of the same building..
They all staring at me bloody.. barking severely.. from the first floor..
and tried to climb up the stairs.. in order to chase me.

'I mean.. what did I do to you guys?
Why you guys so mad at me.. Gosh!'
I thought to myself.. with a complaining inner voice.

The dogs were still waiting for me.. to come down stair..
The more ridiculous thing than those dogs.. was how neighbor grandma behaved.
Basically.. she didn't do anything, as if she has no responsibility for missing that leash.. her rude dogs.. She just hanin out.. by herself.. on the ground.. waiting for her lovely dogs come back to her bosom.
I hated her, as one can expect this conclusion so easily.

Anyway.. I went into the inner side of second floor deeply.
in order for me to avoid dealing with those uncontrollable dogs.

I sat down in front of some unknown neighbor's door.
I knew I shouldn't be doing that, but I did since I got so tired suddenly.. and rapidly..
I crouched down myself.. sweating..

I didn't know how long the time had passed..
but I got to hear.. no sound..
no barking sound..
Finally.. silent..

Shake

I'm feeling kind of depressed somehow today.
Probably the weather.
I thought it was going to be hot today, but there's no sunshine, thus lost bling bling mood.

I made the killer shake today.
I scooped out a handful of Haagen Daz chocolate icecream that have an overly excessive chocolate chips, as if countless extreme dark black dots are already stamped on icy hard cream.
I peeled yellowish banana skin off to discover the white banana.
Then I tried to find a milk, but my grandma told me that we already drank them all.
I quickly got disappointed but then I found a yogurt hanging itself back in the refrigerator and what I did first was checking the expiration date. I automatically assumed the date might be passed, but it wasn't. I was relieved, because I had no food to replace milk other than a yogurt.

I poured the unnecessary white liquid into a sink from the white fatty cylindrical container.
Then I scooped a mushy plain yogurt made by Giant(cus it's cheap).

So I gathered all my three ingredients needed for my shake to one place.
They were looking good, as if they trained soliders lined up nicely.
What's next?
The ingredients ready to dive into an unflashy, old mixer as I threw those out to the mixer one by one.

I pressed low button. To make sure they smoothen all nicely before they go through that intensifed mixing process.
Then a high button.
It's done and this is the most exciting part that I was yearning for as I made 'em.
Pouring that chunky-like milk shake into my cup slowly.

I got to taste it.
Soooo good.
"This is another killer," I said to myself.
I continued after I easily drank that once more, "I should do milk shake business with this."
Two cups of chocolate yogurt banna shake washed out what was in my intestine and stomach.

But suddenly.. I realized it..
I thought that good and delicious food would make me happy.
I know.
What a simple formula I have.
But it wasn't.
What my tongue tasted it and how I felt inside were two completely different things. lol

I feel kind of downward today.
Sometimes.. people.. including me.. feel this way.. even without a specific reason.. to be feeling this way.
Shake failed at encouraging me.

But I felt good at the moment I drank that. for sure. -,.-

Refreshed with the coolness

I hate doing exercises.
This is a natural aptitude kind of a thing.
I hate it and I'm bad at it.
And this kind of my exercising philosophy supports my daily routine, which composed of the complete laziness.
I hadn't done any work out since like.. last march, I guess?
Of course, I still hadn't done much exercises before march, either.. especially with three hours of round trip commuting thing.
I had no time to consider that kind of a fancy thing.

But from few days ago..
You know how the weather's like these days.. I mean.. this time of the year.
I was literally like the brown dog with no motivated eyes with long ears lying on the carpet as if he doesn't want to do anything in life.. although.. even midst of that laziness, I almost pushed myself to go to bookstore. (Good thing I did that for myself, at least.)

But other than that, I was staring at my computer monitor.. see what's going on with the world.. just checking the same things that I'd normally do.
I kept making an excuse of the hot and relaxing weather for not doing particualr activities.

Today.. I felt like.. I needed to do 'something' for my own.
So! I made me stand up and pack my bathing suit, bathing goggles, towels and stuff.
I know.. this sentence sounds so easy going, but it is not!
Until a person really gets to transform that, from a thought or simple plan into 'actual' practices.

Yea.. So I did and went to LA fitness.. (I know. sounds fancy, haha)
asked for a guest pass and just.. swam today.

It felt good, actually..
Immersing my tired body into indoor detergent smell-like pool.
The water temperature wasn't that cool as I was expecting for..
But it was cool.. I mean.. not in that temperature way.. but.. cool.. as how I felt.

Speaking about my swimming experience, I couldn't even float on a water until I was 16? 17?
But then I happened to have the desperate reason to learn swimming regardless of my intention, because the high school I went.. they have this graduation requirement, that 'every' students need to pass the swimming exam.
So, for a year, I had got to learn how to swim, from two teachers who were feeble builds of two boy students in my grade.
One of em was in my chem. and! chorus.
He had a boyfriend, who goes to college at that time.
Anyhow, these two boys taught me how to swim.
I was placed in the basic swimming class with one other student, that's why.

While other kids were already swimming professionally and splashing water with their feet forcibly, I was holding either one of faint boys' hands or an unreliable sponge type tool so tight and was risking my life.

End of that year.. it was that exam time.
I was nervous.
Worrying what if I don't get to receive a high school diploma or something, I dived into the deep water and was happended to finish the entire long swimming course, which consisted of freestyle and backstroke(not even a backstroke. It's similar, but wayyy simpler version, you know what I'm talking about. Cause we didn't have enough time to learn the backstroke, so we just kind of skipped it and tried to mimic the way as possibly could.)
With no breathing.
I just put my head down under the water and kick water with no specific way to move forward.

Whether I breathe or not for those few minutes, that wasn't important.
What's important were that I passed the exam and I graduated.. high school.. lol

But guess what.
When I get to swim in case, I always still use that 'technique' for my entire swimming process since then. Even for today, too.
Yes, right. I called that as a 'technique', haha.
Swimming with no breathing is kind of a technique to me. lol
It perfectly works out for me.
So.. I couldn't ask more, haha.

Short Story: Little Lilly's Christmas Bash

So I decided to make up the story, just for fun.
Plus, I have nothing to write about regarding to my everyday mundane lives.

Lilly is six years old.
She has freckles on her tiny low nose and wears pinky pink circle glasses.
She'd always read and hug her thick books to her chest.
She is shorter than kids in her age. alot..

Lilly got excited, because Christmas is approaching, ya'll.
Her mom.. JoAnn.. is just all about her.
She's freaking tall and super slender.
Her hobby is crossing her legs, to just show off. She thinks her legs are the supreme ones while no one agrees with that. Of course, only thru their minds, because if they tell that truth to her, she'd kick their ass. So harsh.
She has pointy nose and pointy chin with earthy space-like cheeks.
Unlike her daughter Lilly, JoAnn has crystal white powder shiny smoothy skin.
Even with that skin, she still wears 3 inches of powder to her skin.
And now it almost appears like a ghost.
JoAnn has big fat mouth.

One day, Lilly was reading her favorite book, "come hold my hands" sitting on her comforty cushiony couch.. to satisfy her little own world.
She was so concentrating reading her book and her glasses is just about to fall off.
She was so into that last little paragraph on ch. 9.
"Smack her!!!"
Her glasses finally fell off. Her little chest got so surprised.
Lilly blinked her eyes rapidly and she looked over to kitchen.

JoAnn was on the phone, talking to her friend while she was rubbing her linear reddish toe nails agressively.
She continued.
"Let me tell ya. She ain't gonna appreciate that. How many times I told ja. Just smack her! Then, walk out of a door. And then.. done! done with her! everything's fine and cool. Wha cha worrin about, huh?"

Looking at that, Lilly sighed quitely.
She put her hands on forehead.
She was able to feel hot steam coming out from her nostrils.
And then, she took a deep breath and looked to the page where she just stopped.
"Nah uh! We cannot! forgive a bitch like her."

That's right.
Lilly.. finally got annoyed.
She walked over to JoAnn, walking like marching band, baby.

"Mom," talking prim.
"huh? Why you cute little sweet my pot pie?" shifting her tone of voice 180 degree differently.
"Would you tone down a bit, plz?"
Her eyes got overly humongous, JoAnn said as if not expected that, "Oh, did I interrupt you, honey?"
Lilly nodded with staring her mom like an authoratative school principal.
Embarassed, JoAnn raised her shoulder and narrowed her body with putting the cuttiest childish smile that you can ever expect, on her face.
"Oh sorry, honey. I didn't know that. I'll make sure zip my lips. You dear trust u ah mummy, right?"
"We'll see," still keep her stubborn primness.

It was Christmas Eve.
Lilly got so excited.. can't even explain in a word how much she was wishing for a Santa.
She eyed a wooden hard house door.
"Mommy. Would Santa come through that door?" tone of really wanting to know the answer so desperately.
"Honey. Santa ain't gonna be happy if you keep tryin to ask that way," JoAnn answers to Lilly while she was icing on a carrot cake.
But standing so firmly in her belief, Lilly keep starin at that door.
Nelly's song Hot in here was drifting out of black, old and unflattery type radio.

JoAnn is cooking for Lilly's Christmas Bash.
She scoops chocolate mousse out of white rectangle sized plastic ice cream container for Lilly.
It ain't easy, cus that mousse is icy hard, been staying at freezer for hours and hours.
JoAnn gives up scooping that thang out after fourth spoon.
She then moves onto tea and pours the green tea into Lilly's kids size cup.

Putting an interesting looking on that tea, Lilly sip a green tea.
"Yuck!" with putting alot of wrinkles on her nose, forehead and chin.
Raising her eyebrows, JoAnn stepped to her and "Wha ssuh matter, honey?"
Trying to remind herself that bad bitter taste of green tea, "It's a disaster, mommy."
"Oh, that ain't good!" with a pressuring southern accent while finger pointing at that cup.

When night approaches, JoAnn flips the switch and asks Lilly to blow the candles sticking hard on mocha round cake.

Kitchen Bar

I found this place at Abington.
Man, I eat 'em all.
Food were plain, but somehow I ate it very deliciously.
I think that the buffalo wings were fried fresh.
Even though they gave only four pieces of fried coconut shrimp, it was just that much precious moment.
Shredded coconut pieces all above the shrimp and all over the plate..
I made sure that there would be no work, such as dish washing, for kitchen bar workers.
Right next to shrimp, there was this bitter taste of veggies with nail size of sweet pineapples.
I usually hate this bitter taste, but somehow.. it worked out great for me today.
Same for angel hair pasta.. I usually hate extremely thin pasta like this, but somehow it was good today.
Meaty, chunky tomato flavor with marinara sauce..

Just a great combination.

Escape

I'm finally done with LT's book.
Gosh, I feel like I just accomplished something great that I had been procrastinating for many months, haha. (still true. lol)

First of all, I really have to say that this book was a true escape.
from all of my worries.. and certain part of reality, which I wanted to avoid facing it.

This book taught me that.. the story still can be enjoyeable, while it doesn't have any major conflicts or climax at all.
Also, this book allowed me to taste the fresh smell of the book pages.


Most of all..
I realized that.. I can perceive someone totally different ways, comparing the time when I had known her for four months as a teacher who had motivated me, to the present moment when I just finished reading her book.

Now.. I get to feel her.. more personally..
I had never imagined that she was.. this type of person when I sit on her class.
I just thought that she was funny, motivating, well-teaching and articulate.

Now I read what's in her mind and her brain.
She was a Black woman who wanted to be loved more than anyone else.
She hated it when being challenged by her integrity.
She was a person who wanted to discover her route and origin so badly.. courageous enough to challenge herself to take an adventure to a remote country, where it takes 60 hours of flying, Spain. She wanted to define who she was.
And she seemed like she did..
Love the ending.

Although I know that I already disappointed at her for not responding to my last, personal e-mail.. I have to admit that her book.. and she... taught me something great again.
that.. this is the type / style of writing that I want to write.. whether for my future career or what not.

It's just that.. she as a writer.. could have stuck to my heart.. if she typed a single sentence and sent to me.

And thanks to LT's mom for giving me a lesson.
"Passion requires sacrifice"

But I loved the way how LT talked back to her mom.. much more.

"I wasn't afraid to sacrifice. Writing is my life."

Savior

One day, I listened to the radio as usual.. (cause I cannot! live a single day without music, haha.)
And this super flimsy and soft, yet an insightful, convincing and powerful voice literally charmed me and inspired me to write.
Her voice seemed like singing from the truth that she has in-stored in very bottom of her heart, which I really liked about.
The song is called Pyramid by Charice Pempengco.
When the radio played this song (and I was glad that the radio played this song pretty often-thus, I thought this song is popular. ) I would volume up and just become absorbed into this story-possesed-seemling-like voice.

One day, I decided to put her name on google search and click.
What a surprise!
She was... an Asian! Philippines..
Wow.. That was.... kind of a shock.

But knowing of her discovery and success were even more shocking.
Her own personal life is much more dramatic than her song.
Only three years ago, this kind of phenomena was not even imaginable.
She flew to S.Korea from her home country in 2007 in order to appear on TV show called 'Star King', which ordinary people are allowed to perform their talents and to compete.
Below is the UCC that contains her apperance on Star King.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFSaycQGTD0

And.. this is the exciting part.
Ellen Degeneres literally watched this youtube piece.
And she made Charice, 15 yrs old girl at that time, fly to U.S for the first time and made her sing in front of her show audiences for holiday special.

Three years has passed.
Now what?
She made three of her own albums in U.S. Her song is playing more than ten times a day thru the radio. Alot of people got to recognize her song and who she is.
She moved to U.S and resides here.
Below is her MV.
http://www.youtube.com/user/charice?blend=2&ob=1


This is literally.. no different from a Cinderella story.
Even a much better version.

Okay, so I know her voice is great, for sure, with no doubt!
But.. come on.
There are literally.... tons of people who are seeking and deserving for the luckiest spot that she just has occupied.
Tons of people are yearning to become singers, just like her.
Unfortunately, the opportunity would not be given to all of those we are aiming for shooting stars.

Ellen Degeneres..
I mean.. Who doesn't know her?
Who doesn't love her? (I mean.. this would be the statement solely based on my personal opinion, haha. She's so funny and her show is funny!)
Who wouldn't give an attention to a person that Ellen Degeneres had introduced?
And who wouldn't be thinking of start falling in love with Charice who Ellen Degeneres thought is talented.
This is like.. an easy formula..

Talent?
Of course, I do agree with her talent. I do love her as a singer.
But..
There are aloooot of people who have that kind of talent(or even better vocal.. who wasn't discovered, yet!) out there..
What's clear is that she's the luckiest person on the planet, who catched Degeneres' eyes and ears.

Against our intentions..

Sometimes..
life puts us in the place where we don't want to be placed in.

Sometimes..
we are surrounded by someone who we don't want to be with.

Sometimes..
life/future path goes to the wrong directions that we had never expected.

Sometimes..
we don't get desired resulted even after we working ass off.