TRY

"Try this broccoli. Try it! Will you just try it at least?"
said my grandma as she pressing the broccoli hung from her chopstick really hard against my lips.
In spite of that hard press, my mouth was refusing to be opened to an end; it was like a gatekeeper of the castle, protecting itself safely from an invading army.

Growing up, I heard that word [try] so many times from my grandma that even the distant echo is still ringing in my ears, her sexy English accent. That has led me to assume perhaps, try is her favorite English word to ever use, since she and I had developed an interesting game called, hide-and-seek, back in my childhood.
Our roles were parted, she played a hunter, I the runner; whenever she reaching out her chopstick with not-so-delicious-looking food for my mouth while saying try, that signaled me enough to run away from her immediately.

Why did I run away?
Because.. I had wanted to eat what I was familiar with only and that gave me the sense of comfort, so I didn't feel like the necessity of trying different food. I was completely content with few options of what I had, and that was used to be the tender beef.

It took me several years to summon up my courage to try broccoli. Now? Whenever I go to restaurants, I choose broccoli over all other side dishes, even over french fries, which at one point, was regarded as one of my food-idols. I enjoy broccoli regardless of how it is cooked.

I am thinking that other than a broccoli, there are so many things to try in my life and in this world.

Trying things beyond the boundary I had set it up, had always given me fears.. The fear of unknown, uncertainty in result, future and in discovering an undiscovered world, which I didn't know whether that would be harmful or not. Most of all, the fear of what my reaction would be, if things don't work out or if get rejected. I knew I'd be feeling all kinds of negative emotions.

'If I didn't try it, I wouldn't have gone through these bad, shameful emotions. What If  I try it again and feel the same bad way?' I used to think.
The basic definition I had come up with for try was a nothing, but a fear.

People always say that it doesn't hurt to try or ask. No! It definitely hurts!! When a person tried really hard for exams, jobs, businesses, sports or any sorts of applying, etc., and you can't have the desired output, it's obviously frustrating! 

Whenever I received rejections, I felt like someone is stamping a huge capitalized 'R' onto my forehead, like saying there-you-go, which I never deserved to have.
To me, these end-of-the-world kind of fears made me to step back or even stopped me from attempting.

However.. Lately, I've been starting to realize that it was NEVER-end-of-the-world when that happened unless I completely gave in. Plus, the more I experience rejections, the better I manage my worst feelings.


While deserving not to be failed after my attempts, I formulated a very simple manual that I may be working on, and that was - the more times I try, the probability of me getting failed is increasing and the vice versa. It made sense to me, because those either-or probability is out of or depended on how many times you attempt it, so it was very obvious how trying worked like that.
Therefore, I realized that trying is nothing to be shamed of or an abnormal phenomenon, but it's just a natural, how-it-is kind of thing.

Well, trying is like everything that life has to offer [or I should say, trying is what you have to chase] , because there are always good and bad sides of life and trying brought me the mix of feelings, like fun, exciting, fears, confidence and even more.
When I tried broccoli for the first time, I didn't have to like broccoli, I could either like or hate broccoli, but until I opened the door of my mouth and let the broccoli come in, I'd never know what the broccoli taste like. Luckily, broccoli worked out for my taste. 

With attempts, a lot of things.. won't work out like broccoli. I might not like it. Things won't work out for me. etc. etc. 
Trying... is like.. life.

You don't know what or how it's going to turn out until you try it.
Of course, there could be regrets after trying, but at least, there will be no regret for not trying, that for sure. Trying can be hard, but that much, trying itself is accredited and worth it.

Now I know.. Try is the best and beautiful word and present my grandma has ever given to me.